Moving forward with life

Yesterday, I went to the rally for Catalonia in London.

And I’m not entirely sure why.

I didn’t speak to anyone. I didn’t join in with the singing or the chanting. I only stood quietly in the background, taking several photos (and a couple of videos).

Of course, I enjoy taking photos on any occasion and political protests are very unique events to take photos of.

But now the topic of Catalonia is a difficult one for me.

I began following it closely after meeting my wife. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned once or twice before, she is Catalan, and she introduced me to the strength of the independence movement in Catalonia.

Three years ago, in 2015, we went to the protests in London and Barcelona for the National Day of Catalonia. They were very special days: she and I spent them with patriots from both here and there and I had found a new campaign for democracy to which I could offer my support.

But now, as I think has become apparent to most, my wife and I have separated.

The last two months have passed by very slowly. They’ve been difficult, they’ve been hard, and I’ve asked myself many times what I’ve done with my life – and where I want to go now that my marriage has collapsed.

I suppose that I attended the rally yesterday to prove that I will still defend democracy in Catalonia even though I have lost my biggest motivation for doing so.

Without a doubt, I will always support democracy and the right to decide for everybody, in any country in the world.

No, my motivation for going to London yesterday must be bigger than that.

While I will always support democracy and human rights, that alone is not enough to justify spending money I really don’t have to waste at the moment on going up to London for two hours.

I suppose – no, I’m sure – that I went to London yesterday to prove two things to myself.

Firstly, despite everything that has happened in the last few months, I still have the same passion for politics and the same desire to participate in relation to the causes which interest – and matter – to me the most.

And, secondly, that I am still alive (even though I still can’t help feeling a little dead inside) and so I have to find another way of moving forward with my life.

Yesterday, I abandoned my home and my town and allowed myself time to think while on the train and walking through the streets of London.

Now, I believe, I know where I am with my life. I have thought long and hard about the past (particularly the last four years) and I better understand now how I have become the man I am today.

What’s more, I understand where I want to go with my life.

I need to keep studying and working, without any bad influences, and, if I do so, I know that I will arrive at the place I want to be as soon as possible.

Yesterday, I attended the rally to give my support to the Catalans, to take (a lot of) photos and, above all, to rediscover myself.

Now, I have to move forwards – like everyone else – and find the future and the life that I want – and that I know I am destined to have.

Rebirth

I have walked a thousand streets
and looked into a thousand eyes.
I have dreamed a thousand dreams
and listened to a thousand lies.

I have been in love.
I have lost everything.

I have died.

Now, I have a dream
and maybe you won’t like it.
But I have been to the end of life
and I don’t have any other chances.

I will write everything
and I will work for everything that I want.

I will live only for me.

I promise,
with all my heart,
that the life that I want
is the life that I will have.

Neither from hope nor from despair,
but from the dreams of my life.

Because now, and forever,
this life is mine!

This poem was originally written in Catalan and has been translated into English. As such, it does not flow as well as the original.

At the end of life

A poem for World Poetry Day 2018

Spring has already arrived,
but all I see is dark.
I want to relax on a beach,
but I have to hide myself in a forest.

Life, sometimes, is cruel,
and I ask myself “is it fair?”
It gives us a lot of sadness,
and steals everything from us with a kiss.

They tell me that I have to die happy,
but I can’t do that yet.
The end of life has arrived,
and there is nothing more I can do.

The darkness hides the truth,
that everything is fucked up.
I have never looked for perfection,
but still life is destroyed.

As the leaves age and die,
and the rose which grew is no longer there.
The foundations we built for each other,
and the love that we had is now water.

They tell me that I have to die happy,
but I can’t do that yet.
The end of life has arrived,
and there is nothing more I can do.

Everything I had thought about life,
they have shown me is a lie.
Love doesn’t conquer all,
and they don’t want to hear my cry.

Now I sit here alone,
thinking of everything that has happened.
After all the mistakes I have made,
I have fought, denied, cried.

They tell me that I have to die happy,
but I can’t do that yet.
The end of life has arrived,
and there is nothing more I can do.

I have a final confession,
but I can’t find any words.
How death appears too quickly,
and life has passed like a shot!

We have already prepared my grave,
it is time to say “goodbye”.
As the end of life has arrived,
the last breath, today, is mine.

They tell me that I have to die happy,
but I can’t do that yet.
The end of life has arrived,
and there is nothing more I can do.

The end of life has arrived,
and there is nothing more we can say.

This poem was originally written in Catalan and has been translated into English. As such, it does not flow as well, nor rhyme, as the original.